my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
