just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
