im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
