the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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