My first STD was from a foam party
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
