and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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