They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
