i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
