My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
