dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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