so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
