Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
