he puts the penis in happiness.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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