friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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