it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
