We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
