wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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