i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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