i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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