Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
