people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
