Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
