oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
