When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
