Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize