direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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