absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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