do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
