So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
