I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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