I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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