I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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