kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's never too late to be topless.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
