who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
