i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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