Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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