Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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