It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
