You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
