I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
