Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize
