just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
