worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
