He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
