All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
