Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
