mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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