Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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