Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
