Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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