What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
