I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
