He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
