Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
