Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
