i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.