Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am spending my child support on dildos
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.