One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
