I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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