I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
