just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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