i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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